Childhood accidents
It has been like this since the beginning. He has had this habit since childhood. These are some of the phrases that you often hear between husband and wife or parents say about their children.
These words reveal to a great extent certain aspects about our personality and also predict our behaviour towards other human beings and the journey of our married life. But it says more about our childhood than the environment in which we were raised. How our childhood was and our present personality and character are deeply influenced by our childhood environment and upbringing.
That is why, according to religious teachings, special emphasis is placed on early education and training of children, which has been proven by modern research and psychology that childhood has a significant impact on the life, personality and character of children.
It is unfortunate that in our society there is no proper provision of education and training of the primary education and training of children according to the modern era. Today's era has changed a lot compared to the last 20 years. Raising children in today's world is a full-time job that requires a lot of training and coaching. Today we cannot raise our children the way our parents raised us.
The basic unit of our society is the family, the most important part of married life, but if we examine our society, we will realise that the way this sacred bond is being disgraced or the young generation has lost its importance. We will find that it is not so much the fault of these young people as the negligence and ignorance of their education and training and those who care for them.
Recently, a research was published in the well-known magazine "Psychology Today" in which the lives of people suffering from marital problems were examined and it was found that the impact of childhood trauma and negative situations on their lives. was affecting his life in his youth. Children who have suffered from inattention, difficulties, worries and frustration in their early life have these 10 symptoms that affect their life and behaviour:
1: Fear of Rejection and Abandonment: Children who have been neglected or abandoned by their parents in childhood often struggle with fear of abandonment well into adulthood. Even if they are often unaware of this level of concern, this fear is still present within them.
Although their main fear is that their partner will eventually leave them. They often express these thoughts in everyday situations. For example, they get scared when their partner goes out alone. If he walks out of the room during an argument with a partner, they get scared. This fear is often reflected in their personality in extreme cases like jealousy or separation.
2: Resentment in the presence of others and getting angry quickly: When we grow up in an environment where we are often criticised or we see others being criticised, we understand our resentment in relationships. It is a natural way of expressing oneself to criticise others. We believe that our flaws and failures are intolerable. Our partners or those around us will not tolerate this, so we quickly express disgust and resentment in the presence of others.
3: Needing a lot of time and space for oneself: Growing up in a chaotic and unpredictable environment creates a lot of stress and often leaves the child's central nervous system in a constant state of mental retardation.
Even when they become adults, they need a lot of time to calm down these symptoms of anxiety, panic and fear. They feel safe at home where they can control their surroundings. And allow yourself adequate time and rest. In such an extreme situation, social anxiety or people phobia is also deeply affected in some people.
4 : Unbalanced sharing of financial and household responsibilities: Sometimes such people are reluctant to trust any partner due to the fear of being dependent on another person. They tend to avoid balancing financial and domestic responsibilities in future partnerships, either by taking care of the other person to the point of complete care or, conversely, relying too much on others to the point that they take care of you. This is a very dangerous behaviour that often causes problems.
5: Clinging to Relationships Despite Dysfunction and Loss of Relationships: When we grow up in unstable environments, we often live with parents or caregivers who are at risk of drug addiction, mental illness, physical illness, or death. When struggling together, children often develop feelings of guilt that stem from wanting to end the relationship. Before we can "fix," being with someone who isn't right for them sometimes feels safer than being alone.
6: Constantly arguing or fighting with loved ones or avoiding conflict at all costs: All relationships in life have conflict and repetition, but children who have grown up in an environment where caregivers are constantly fighting or who have any As conflict-avoidance types, they often fail to learn the skills necessary for productive and healthy communication. They do not have healthy and productive ways of resolving and managing conflicts, problems and issues.
7: Unfamiliarity with Reconciliation After Disagreement: As mentioned above, when we don't learn how to resolve conflicts effectively and appropriately, we also don't know how to restore relationships after the inevitable conflict in a partnership. In such a situation, when and how to compromise on an issue or remain silent is an important quality. My grandfather often used to say that relationships are made by humans and not by angels. Lean behaviour is important for maintaining balance in relationships.
8: Constant fear of not being wanted: Such people often live in the shadow of the fear of being hurt again and the fear of being alone. and try to prove that they are worthy of the attention and love they were deprived of as children. Remember that with every new person comes new expectations which are proof that you can start your new journey.
9: Being unduly worried about my partner leaving me: This usually happens to people whose parents and caregivers were unreliable or abandoned them. This is why such people fear that others will hurt them in the same way that their caregivers did to them. No human being is perfect and every human journey is not always the same. So overcome your past fears and always keep in mind the element of freedom in relationships.
10: Forcing your partner to change: This is the most dangerous reaction to childhood trauma, in which most people say this to their partner. I don't like it in the first place so don't do it. The window of change always opens slowly. Children are powerless to change their caregivers during childhood. So they try to change what they have now, which makes them want changes in their partner to overcome the fear in our relationship. Second, they also want to prove that if we can "fix" that person and make them a better partner, then we are worthy and capable of having a working relationship.
If these signs are found in your life, then it is a clear declaration that you are and will be suffering from problems in your marriage life. Renowned American psychologist and marriage expert John M. Gottman says that I can tell with just five minutes of conversation with a married couple whether their marriage will work or not.
Remember we are all human and we are influenced by our environment and surroundings. Our behaviour and personality are influenced by many factors that we do not learn by ourselves but are influenced by our environment. But in today's era, having a balanced personality is no less than a blessing for success in personal and professional life.
The next most important question should be whether there is a solution to these problems. Yes, the most important and fundamental solution is self-accountability. If you want to change your attitudes and move forward in life, you need to examine your life, especially your childhood.
Note the points, attitudes and events that influenced your attitudes. In this regard you can take the guidance of a psychologist but first you have to prepare yourself for this process of change. It is not easy to remove the bitter memories and events of the past from our present life but it is not impossible either. In this regard, two Indian films can help you understand this situation to some extent. "Dear life and life will not be found again."
Your life is very precious and why are you carrying the burden of bitter memories on your shoulders for the rest of your life because of a part of life that was not within your control. Get rid of this burden and meet new attitudes, ideas, thoughts, ideas and people in life. Change the way you see the world, see things with new eyes, a new lens and a new canvas. Gather people around you who will help you make your present better and your future brighter. You will surely say that these are all bookish things, what do they have to do with our lives? Exactly, I thought the same.
My life also went through many ups and downs but I had decided not to let circumstances dominate my thoughts, to create my own environment. Don't let the environment make you like yourself. This journey and decision is not easy, but it is much better than the pain and suffering that is making your life miserable. Let me give your life a new twist.
Forgive others because they are human too. Start taking 100% responsibility for your life and behaviour from now on and try not to repeat the mistakes made by our parents and us to improve our generations, otherwise they will also be responsible for their lives tomorrow just like us. will be held responsible for the bitterness of starting the new journey of your life with yourself. Then see the beautiful aspects of this beautiful universe from your personality.
0 Comments